i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
