he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
