Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
