Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Someone signed my nipple.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
