just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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