weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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