with your own penis?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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