Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
