I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
