she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
