did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
