My nipple is on Facebook.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
