Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Terrible idea I love it
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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