After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
