I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
