i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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