I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
