Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
