Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
