I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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