I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
