I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
