I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
