she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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