Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
