we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
