Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
