well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
