i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
