he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
why is half of my head shaved?
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