Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
