Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
