did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
