All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
