I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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