dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
