i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
