I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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