Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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