Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
