Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
