he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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