so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
