Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
