My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
