I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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