ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
