taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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