idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
