I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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