what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
